February 13, 2014

Ugh!! Now I have to tell my boss. Awkward!! I never thought I would have to say the word “breast” to my boss. I had communicated to him that I was going to doctor appointments but now I needed to let him know why because I would need more time for more appointments. I told myself I wouldn’t cry when I went into his office…managed to start crying before I even had the door closed.

I told him that I had bad news. “I have cancer”. He asked what kind. I said, “breast cancer. I don’t know how big it is or how far it has spread. I’m still in denial…and obviously crying a lot. But they tell me it’s cancer.” He said his mom had had cancer too and that he would be praying for me. He said to do what I need to do and don’t worry about work. It’s just a job. He choked up a couple of times while talking to me. I kept the conversation short and went into the bathroom to finish crying and make myself presentable. Emotions are soooo exhausting.

My OB/GYN called after my conversation with my boss and restated what he had told me the night before. He had done more research on the kind of cancer I have and had confirmed the prognosis is very good. He had made an appointment for me with a general surgeon at 12:30…just a couple of hours away.

The radiologist called soon after that and restated what my OB/GYN had told me the night before. I held it together until the end of that conversation…and then I lost it when she said, “I’m so sorry that this happened to you.”  She recommended an MRI and a biopsy of the other breast. Her receptionist (I think) set those up for me and sent me something called Emmi via email.

The visit with the  general surgeon: I must have still been in shock. I hadn’t thought of any questions yet and I’m usually really good at asking tons of questions. Usually I just needed one or two to get the ball rolling and additional question would just pop into my head as we’re talking. But, not a chance this time.  I couldn’t come up with any questions. I mentioned the MRI and biopsy. Luckily we rescheduled to meet again the following week once the results of the biopsy and MRI are in.

I told the gal that sits in the cube by me at work…mostly because she asked. It was hard to miss the conversation I had with my boss…plus all the phone calls I was receiving. I hadn’t really decided who to tell yet because I’m still hoping that someone made a mistake.

This was a bit of a foggy day for me.