I have been trying to stay optimistic throughout this year of many obstacles and trials, but this month has pushed me to my limits. I have dealt with many stresses this month. Send good juju…I could use it right now. The following paragraphs detail the stresses of October. I’ll start with the good things and then move on to the heavy stuff.
I am happy that at least one of the stresses in my life has actually been a change for the better. I was offered a job with a company where I will no longer be deep in the weeds auditing. I am doing compliance work. So, why is this good news? It has been a less stressful job. It’s so nice to be appreciated for the work that I do. It was not an easy decision to accept the job offer. My former company had treated me very well during my cancer treatments. However, it only took one comment from my boss to realize that things were never really going to change there. Sometimes great opportunities cross our paths when we least expect them and when we are feeling less than prepared. There is no doubt in my mind that this is the place that I should work and this is the work I should be doing.
The second happy thing is that my little guy, Josh, turned 6 this month. He is so excited to be such a big guy. He loves to surprise me with the new things he has learned in Kindergarten.
Sadly, my mom’s health has deteriorated rapidly over the last six months and this is a great concern of mine right now. She has been such a great support for me throughout this year. I couldn’t have battled cancer without her. She stayed with me after each chemo treatment to help me with my sweet kids. I worry about her so much and I’m grateful to my family members who are able to help take care of her right now. I wish I could help her more than I am. I know she’s in a lot of pain. I pray that we may have a few more years with her.
Yesterday, my husband started to move out. He rented an apartment earlier this week. Some might say that this has been a long time coming. My heart is broken that my beautiful eight-year-old went with him. I am trying to have faith that she will change her mind very soon and move back home with me. As tears flow down my face, I think about the tough woman that I used to be who never would have let this happen. She is too young to have to deal with this. I miss her so much already. Ethan is really struggling with the confusion. It’s not making sense to him that daddy isn’t here. Josh won’t let me out of his sight and is giving me hugs and kisses freely (which I love).
As if this weren’t enough stress, the medical oncologist put me on an aromatase inhibitor and a monthly shot that put me right into menopause. Yay. (This would be a bored sounding yay not a happy, excited yay!!) I’m still trying to figure out how to manage the hot flashes.
I met with my plastic surgeon on Wednesday who expanded me another 60 cc’s and we scheduled my “exchange,” as they call it, for February 12th. He wanted to wait four to six months after the last radiation treatment to do the surgery. Since I have to have a second surgery to even things out, next year should be fine. Plus, I will have some extra time to heal from the radiation.
Finally, I sprained my ankle Thursday morning. This one would be called Karma. The kids and I were late getting out the door for the day care and work and as I stepped across the threshold, I tripped over it and tumbled down the two steps. Luckily, I landed on my feet. I limped around all day Thursday and Friday, doing my best to keep it up. By Friday afternoon, I was in extreme pain. In the back of my mind, I worried that it was a break because the medical oncologist said that because I’m going into menopause at such an early age, broken bones will be major concern for me.
Apparently, there is something I’m supposed to learn with all of these trials this year. I will have to dig deep to figure it out but I believe in my heart that I will be a better person for having had these experiences.